Shared parenting during a divorce.

Shared parenting, on paper, is a good concept as both parents under California law have the right to children, (and vice versa);  and the right to a parent child relationship is protected under our fourteenth amendment. Our constitution in this country guarantees that the relationship between parents and their children is accorded a protected preferential status.The fourteenth amendment substantive due process right to a protected familial parent child relationship was already recognized in IDK, Inc. v. County of Clark, 836 F.2d 1185, 1192 (9th Cir. Nev. 1988) and Carey v.Population Services International, 431 U.S. 678, 684-685 (1977), where the United States Supreme Court repeatedly teaches that there is “a right of personal privacy” which includes “family relationships,” and child rearing and education.   Our California legislature recognizes shared parenting as a mandatory right according  to CA family code section 3020  (b) which specifies :

(b) The Legislature finds and declares that it is the public
policy of this state to assure that children have frequent and
continuing contact with both parents after the parents have separated
or dissolved their marriage, or ended their relationship, and to
encourage parents to share the rights and responsibilities of child
rearing in order to effect this policy, except where the contact
would not be in the best interest of the child, as provided in
Section 3011.

Generally when you have reasonable parents there are only minor problems as reasonable people can put their differences aside and put the health and emotional well being of their children first.  In legal terms it is termed as 50/50 custody with equal timeshare to both parents in a variety of formats, i.e. one week off and one week on, a 4,4,2,2 combination or any combination that works optimally for the children. The children adjust quickly as the optimal benefit of having both parents in their life outweighs not having access to both of them.

Communication to effect shared parenting in these circumstances can take the following format:

“Our children need to go to a doctor/dentist for a checkup, here are a few names that I think work best. Let me know if you have any other suggestion or which one will is most suitable for you from the list”. That is of course if selecting a dentist or medical provider is an option depending on the health insurance.

“Our children have a dental appointment on x date with x provider. I will obtain a treatment plan and discuss the possible options with you.”

“Our children are scheduled to be enrolled in x school through the school district. Do you have any preferences or is the current school option acceptable?”

“As per our arranged schedule I will drop off our children at x date at x time, please confirm the time and date where the children can be collected”

“(NAME of child) wants to see you. I will drop off children at your house, and pick them up at x time, so they can spend some time with you.”

“Our children want to participate in xxxx sport. There are x options available through (whatever). Let me know if you have any objections or if enrollment in x is fine with you”.

“There is an event at X’s school. X wants you to be there. I will provide the date and time of event so that you can participate”.

“I don’t quite agree with you on x issue. Here are a few possible alternatives that may work instead. Please share other ones you may have and we can discuss a compromise”.

Shared parenting; however, with an abusive psychopathic, psychotic personality is not possible. Imagine that you have FINALLY obtained the courage to leave the marriage after years of abuse and you are just recovering as a person from the emotional and physical toll this has taken on you. The Riverside Superior Court forces you to have contact with the abusive psychopath, as the “belief” is that there must be something wrong with the person who can not “tolerate” the abuse or who refuses to be subjected to  constant death threats or threats of bodily harm, or where you as a parent refuse to subject children to witnessing the abuse.

This is the format that “shared” parenting takes with the abusive psychotic psychopath who has a mental breakdown as soon as the children express their affection towards the targeted parent:

Pathetic moron …..:)”     “You really are sick in the head ……… Fuck off  !!!!!!!” “U are a piece of shit ……”   “ Whatever…. Kids wanted to  talk to U ……..  answer your phone or kiss my ass”  “ Bite me bitch”  

 Hey delusional asshole the kids want to speak to you”

“Fuck you, go to the park”

“I have custody, care and CONTROL of the children, you have NOTHING, except your delusions.”

“Tell your mother what an asshole she is”

Competent dental care is made available for the children where the other parent specifies that they are paying for the associated  costs and it is met with “YOU DELUSIONAL WORTHLESS PIECE OF SHIT”.

When a child specifically asks for the parent to be at a school event, the abusive parent yells to the other parent over the phone, “YOU ARE NOT INVITED”, in front of said child.

Children are made to choose between seeing their parent or another child:” the children were given a choice to see you or go to xxxxxxxxx and play on Sat. like I had planned…”

This of course is just the tip of the ice berg of the interaction that one “parent” has with the other, where the goal is to use the children to torture the other parent and to force contact so that the abuse can continue. There is no concern for the health and emotional well being of said children as they are used as tools to control, dominate and abuse the parent who dared to finally leave the marriage and who is ensuring that the children have contact with a parent they love rather than the total eradication of that parent from their lives, due to the escalating actions of the abusive parent.

Imagine you as a normal rational person are subjected to the above day in and day out and this behavior continues unabated as a court gives that person free licence to abuse you and to involve the children in this dynamic. Imagine you as a parent are fully aware of the consequences of this type of behavior as one “family” has already generated 75% of drug users and batterers in their family alone and the children in this dynamic are groomed to be the same as they are raised in the household that produced the drug addicts and batterers.  The long term consequences of this type of interaction on children has already been discussed:

The court’s “belief” is that parents HAVE to co-parent with one another no matter what the circumstances or how much abuse or threats one parent is subjected to. In the words of Judge Dale Wells, at one exparte, he specifically stated that if both parents don’t learn to co-parent that the children will be removed from their lives. See transcript below.

The solution is quite simple. Remove the children from the day to day life of the person who perpetuates the abuse and threats and who only cares about using them as tool of abuse. Provide some form of therapy until that person has dealt with their addictions and escalating hatred towards the other parent and has demonstrated that he/she can manage the abusive and hate filled interactions. A person who wishes to kill the other parent is quite simply not capable of stopping the hate filled interaction merely when “told” to stop.

Children obviously love both their parents and they do not deserve to be subjected and exposed towards the constant hatred, escalating abuse against the other parent and the other parent who is the subject of this abuse does NOT deserve to be the target of this abuse.


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